David Hall
received an email from a Swanley lady who had recently lost her Brother and
asked for a price for a funeral ending at Bobbing Crematorium. As the Leyland
Beaver had previously been to Swanley, David made the lady aware that two
Funeral Directors were located next door to each other with ample parking for
the lorry within the taxi ranks on the opposite side of the street.
Unfortunately
the Family chose the Funeral Director on the east side of Swanley whose
facility is in Manse Parade, a parade of 8 shops with a narrow unmade up rear
access road that was unsuitable for the 1950 Leyland Beaver. To make matters
worse either side of the Funeral Directors were Caffé Cinos and a Newsagent and
David envisaged that the area in front of the shops would be congested in the
early morning, with people popping in for a paper and contractors in their vans
collecting their breakfasts from the Café. Often in preparing for funerals
David needs to solve some logistical problems and this Swanley funeral was no
exception.
For Swanley
funerals David parks his lorry overnight in Kwik Fit’s pristine facility in Sevenoaks Road,
using a relationship established with Kwik Fit Head Office Management which
allows him to park anywhere in Britain
provided the lorry will fit into the garage area. The magic about Kwik Fit
Swanley is that there is a low cost hotel within walking distance, which offers
a bed only and David gets his breakfast at Costa Coffee on his way to collect
the lorry at 0800 hours.
Detailed
internet research of the east Swanley area highlighted that the Jehovah
Witnesses had a Kingdom Hall with lots of land within a secure compound with a
locked gate just around the corner from the Funeral Directors and David asked
the Funeral Arranger to make an approach. A relationship was established and
agreement reached for David to have use of the yard from 0930 hours when
someone would arrive to open the gate.
So David had
to work on the problem of what to do with the Leyland Beaver between 0800 and
0930 hours. Through the night the solution came to David, which involved
getting up early, foregoing his Costa Coffee breakfast, collecting the lorry at
0700 hours and having his breakfast in the Café next to the Funeral Directors.
Looking at the Caffé Cinos website, it stated that they could deliver
breakfasts so David rang the Café, explained what he would be doing from the
Funeral Directors next door, and asked if a breakfast could be delivered to his
lorry whilst he was sitting on double yellow lines, his fallback plan if no
space was available.
Around this
time David received a phone call about a funeral in Salisbury for the day after the Bobbing
Crematorium funeral. David normally plans at least a day between funerals to
prepare the support structure for the flowers and to wash the lorry. However,
the Family were very keen to use the 1950 Leyland Beaver and David agreed to do
the funeral knowing that this would mean working late into the night, an early
start and washing the lorry at the Sixpenny Handley Funeral Directors. The Salisbury Family were so
pleased with David’s commitment that the payment for their Dad’s funeral was
transferred immediately into David’s Bank Account.
David arrived
early at Kwik Fit on the Sunday afternoon and the staff members were pleased to
see him again only 5 months at David’s last Swanley funeral. Jamie Jack
exceeded David’s expectations in two ways. He asked David to reverse the
Leyland Beaver into the MOT Bay even though 60 minutes were left of their
trading window and in addition Jamie said that he and a colleague would be in
at 0700 hours which was fundamental for David’s plan for an early start, which
was his only chance of finding any space near the Funeral Directors.
David collected
the lorry at 0700 hours and took the back road into Swanley East which involved
some very narrow lanes. As the Leyland Beaver arrived at the parade of shops,
David saw, as he had expected, vans, cars and delivery vehicles in front of the
Café and Newsagent. However, David noticed that there was just enough room for
him to park his lorry on the area in front of the Mann Lettings Estate Agents
at the far end of the parade. This meant parking the lorry within 12 inches of
the Estate Agent’s Manager’s car which was positioned in front of his shop and
at right angles to the radiator grill of the Leyland Beaver. The Manager came
out to check that there was no damage to his car and David introduced himself.
The Manager, Gary Steadman, was very impressed with the pristine lorry and he
agreed that David could park there whilst he had his breakfast in the Café.
The owner of
the Caffé Cinos was very welcoming and offered David a choice in how he wanted
his eggs cooked and if he wanted tinned plum tomatoes or fresh tomatoes. By
opting for the tinned plum tomatoes, David replicated the ‘All Day Breakfast’
that Archie Stamper, a Fellside Transport Livestock Driver, had bought him in
1958 at a Carlisle Café when they were on their way back from Hawick in a 1950
Leyland Beaver. Travelling in MRM 893 changed David’s life and influenced his
decision to follow a career in transport. This is the reason why David’s wife
bought him MXV 610 in 1995 so that he could relive the beautiful boyhood
memories that he had with Fellside Transport.
Whilst David
was having his breakfast a young lady came in with her Dad and sat on the table
next to David. As the young lady talked about the benefits of sharing a flat
with 5 girls at university, David commented, ‘In my own Daughter’s experience 6
girls sharing a flat is ideal until one of them has a boy friend who moves in!’
As David left
the Caffé Cinos he noticed that the main B2173 road from the A20 was gridlocked
and that someone had parked outside the gates of the Jehovah Witnesses car park.
David asked the Funeral Director whether the most sensible strategy would be to
abandon the previous plan of transferring the coffin out of sight from a
Private Ambulance and to load in front of the Mann Lettings Estate Agents Shop.
David and the Funeral Arranger approached Gary Steadman and David thought that
the young lady alongside him would have to plead impassionedly for ‘Help’ LikeTina Turner in Sings Like The Beatles BBC 4 (Won’t you please, please, please,
help me!). However, David’s concerns were misplaced because Gary was happy to help and David would like
to thank Mann Lettings for their kindness and the tolerance of the staff as the
Leyland Beaver was parked in the area reserved for their cars.
Whilst the
service was taking place at Bobbing Crematorium, David adjusted the coffin
stops ready for Salisbury
the following day and took steps to ensure that the display could be quickly
removed when he got home as a minimalistic approach was required for the
funeral which would start at a Sixpenny Handley Funeral Director.
David left
Bobbing Crematorium at 1430 hours and by taking small roads to the south of
Guildford, David avoid rush hour traffic in the town and after 4 hours and 20
minutes driving he reached Sutton Scotney Services on the A34 within 10 minutes
of the deadline to take a 45 minutes rest break. After having a burger for his
tea David set out for home, refueling at Ludgershall just before the Service
Station closed for the night.
When the
Leyland Beaver arrived back at Bradford-on-Avon
it was almost 2130 hours and when David pulled the engine stop, much activity
took place a bit like a Pit Stop in Formula 1 Racing. Whilst David dismantled
the display on the deck, David’s wife was cleaning the lorry and it wasn’t
until 2345 hours did they get to bed.
The alarm
went off at 0500 hours and David set off for Six Penny Handley in Dorset. The Leyland Beaver had no problem climbing the
steep hairpin bends on Zig Zag Hill on the B3081 and David was amazed at the
wonderful long distant views from the top of the hill.
There is a saying in the funeral world that
when it comes to a Family’s requests nothing is wrong, it is only different.
David found it very different having a funeral with no Funeral Director.
Richard Adlem had prepared the body but took no part in the funeral. The Family
sourced the coffin, provided the Bearers and booked the slot at Salisbury
Crematorium. Some Funeral Directors are not best pleased when a Family pay
David directly and Richard Adlem had every reason to feel bitter, but he
wasn’t. He welcomed David into his back garden and they had coffee together
watching the garden birds as they talked about old times. Richard was awarded
an MBE for his services to the funeral industry and what broke the ice between
them was when David told Richard that the previous night he had slowed down on
the A25 through Westerham to salute the statue of Winston Churchill.
David knew
his way to Salisbury Crematorium but when he got there he had no one to page
him up to the porte cochere. David had to ask the Deceased’s Grandson, who was travelling with him in the cab, to get out and find someone looking important
and provide a signal when David had to travel up the hill.
