A ‘Tugboat’ prominently displayed in Cwmbran.

Vintage Lorry Funerals second funeral in Cwmbran was for a man who started his working life on the Tugboats in Newport Harbour during 1959. Glyn Fisher then progressed to the Merchant Navy and one of his first sailings on the Garthfield involved taking equipment for the new Nuclear Power Station near Snowdon, docking at Porthmadog. The Garthfield was a Coaster and Glyn’s ports of call included Douglas (IOM), Millom (Cumbria), Liverpool and the Clyde. However, family problems about him being away from home for long periods caused Glyn to leave the sea and he became a Lorry Driver. Although Glyn earned his living behind a steering wheel, he missed his time on the sea. He developed a passionate interest in Tugboats partly because Daniel Lynch who had worked with him as a deckhand on the Dunraven was now a Tugmaster, the Captain of a Tugboat that operated along the South Wales coast. Daniel supplied Glyn with Tugboat magazines which he avidly read in his caravan on the coast at Porth Kerry. Glyn was also given the opportunities of occasional trips on Tugs pulling ships into Newport with timber and Swansea with iron ore for Port Talbot Steelworks.

When Glyn passed away his Daughter was given a task as Glyn’s expressed wish was that he was not to go to the crematorium in a black hearse. Alison researched the internet and found that Vintage Lorry Funerals could personalise the final journey of a Loved One. Alison spoke with David and told him that she was having a ‘Tugboat’ as the Family’s main Floral Tribute, along with a Coffin Spray. David described the scene he could create using the coffin and Coffin Spray as if they were an Ocean Going Liner, which could appeared to being eased through the harbour entrance by a ‘Tugboat’.  Alison thought that this concept was brilliant and asked what David needed to achieve this and David said, ‘a helpful Florist.’

Sally of Athena Flowers was most helpful and told David that the ‘Tugboat’ would be made from a 2 ft x 2 ft designer board. Given the short lead time for a funeral, David has to make assumptions and create the support structure whilst the Florist is creating the Floral Tributes. The day before the funeral Sally took a picture of the base before it was covered with flowers and emailed the picture that contained dimensions to David, which he used to create a cardboard template. At that point he discovered that one of his assumptions was flawed. The height of the ‘Tugboat’ was half the expected height. The Florist had realistically proportioned the ‘Tugboat’ and used 2 ft x 1 ft as a base, half of the designer board and probably used the balance for another Floral Tribute. David always tries to imagine how a Florist creates a Floral Tribute and he was devastated that he hadn’t guessed the right height. Being brought up in the frugal ‘waste not want not’ 1950’s he should have known that only half of the designer board would have been used.

At 1830 hours the night before the funeral there was no time for self recrimination and it was time for action, however, as he was working the chorus of The Swinging Blue Jeans hit ‘You’re no good,’  were reverberating around in David’s head. Using the cardboard template David found bits of wood the correct shape to replicate the ‘Tugboat’. As David put it, ‘When a Floral Tribute is appearing to float in midair you don’t want to see any wood.’

An early start ensured that the vintage lorry was outside Arthur Peake’s Funeral Home by 0715 hours only to find the gates locked. Don Peake knocked on cab door at 0800 hours and advised David that he should park in the Leisure Centre car park just down the road. There was plenty of space at this facility that had been taken over by the local community following recent Government cut backs. By 0830 hours cars were arriving with the occupants wearing heavy boots and woolly hats, obviously hikers. At 0900 hours a gentleman came up to David and said, ‘I never thought they would take my idea up so swiftly.’ Apparently he had recently written to the Leisure Centre suggesting that they should use the vast tarmac area as a revenue stream from events such as vintage vehicle rallies. David said that his vintage vehicle was booked for a funeral with Don Peake, pointing to his yard which backs onto the playing fields associated with the Leisure Centre.

Glyn Fisher in his coffin was thought to weigh around 25 stone and some of Don’s staff were concerned about how the coffin would be loaded and offloaded. David was helped by two Bearers on the deck when Glyn was loaded, however, Glyn was offloaded at Gwent Crematorium with David alone on the deck, supported by Bearers on the ground. Glyn’s coffin glided across the deck as if the total weight was 12 stones.

The ‘Tugboat’ was photographed from a number of angles and the picture of a ‘Tugboat’ helping an Ocean Going Liner into harbour was sent to Vintage Spirit, Tugboat & OSV and Powerboat & RIB magazines. Space for the Obituary Article was secured in Vintage Spirit and his Daughter felt that her Dad would have been very proud to be featured in such prestigious magazine.

David spoke to Daniel Lynch and got more background on Glyn time on the water. Daniel not only filled in some of the details but he made available some amazing pictures, including the ones featured here and David is grateful to Daniel for allowing these pictures to be included. David contacted Sea Breezes magazine and the Editor was delighted to hear from him. There is no doubt that Daniel’s pictures were a major help and Sea Breezes exceeded David’s expectations making almost a whole page available to Glyn Fisher in their magazine and also putting part of the article on the internet.

Alison was delighted with all David’s efforts and sent a ‘Thank You’ card with a heartfelt message.                      

Two Funerals in Wolverhampton

In the funeral world there are no predictable trends, business is brisk one week and the following week can have low activity levels. Vintage Lorry Funerals’ business profile is no different with 3 funerals in one week and the next one being 3 weeks away.

So the prospect of two consecutive funerals being in Wolverhampton, both ending at Bushbury Crematorium, both working direct for a Family and both having a ‘Teddy Bear’ Floral Tribute as a focal point in the display, seemed unreal. But it happened in March 2015.

The first funeral was for a former BOC Gases Tanker Driver whose main Floral Tributes were a 21 inch ‘Heart’ and a 21 inch ‘Teddy Bear’. Although David Hall knew that these would be lovely Floral Tributes, their very different shapes would mean that placing them side by side in front of the coffin would not have looked appropriate due to a lack of symmetry, which is a fundamental part of all Vintage Lorry Funerals flower displays. The solution that David came up with was to create a wooden tanker between the two Floral Tributes.

Around the same time, David had attended the Classic Commercials Enthusiasts Day at Malvern, where each year he builds a wooden Theme appropriate for a Lorry Driver’s Funeral to show the public what is possible should they decide to use his services. Fortuitously on March 5^th 2015 on the deck of the 1950 Leyland Beaver was a Theme for an ESSO Petrol Tanker Driver, in line with the agreement made with the Show Organiser, Jason Lunn, the previous year.

Wendy Webb was delighted with David’s idea for her husband’s final journey and the task that David set himself was to transform his generic tanker Theme, which had previously appeared to be carrying fuel in Gosport and Malvern, and Milk in Tooting and Frome, into a BOC Gases Tanker.

David consulted with Nigel Barnes at BOC Gases and he was very obliging, sending detailed pictures of both the outside and the instruments inside the Control Compartment. David thanked Nigel for his help and the quality of the detail he had sent, however, David explained that he was only trying to create a replica, not a working model!

It was agreed that the Leyland Beaver could be parked undercover with the Funeral Director the night before the funeral and David provided the measurements of the 65 year old lorry. However, when David saw the space available he was concerned, especially when he learnt that the length had not been measured accurately, in that a tape measure hadn’t been used and the length was just paced out. David was livid on this Sunday afternoon around 1700 hours as he could have used a suitable facility with Kwik Fit just down the road, however, this had closed an hour ago. Luckily the Leyland Beaver just fitted the space at the Funeral Directors with less than one inch to spare.

There was a concern about the access into the Church so David was taken to meet the Clergyman who everyone addressed as Father, as this was a High Church of England facility. David joked with the Clergyman being called Father and asked if the coffin would be in church the night before the funeral. The Father was brilliant in that he had gained permission for the Leyland Beaver to go onto the driveway of the house opposite the church entrance. David shook the Father’s hand saying, ‘Thank you Father, you have gone farther than most people would have gone.’

The pictures of Michael Webb’s funeral were sent to BOC and they went around the Linde Group like wildfire. David was invited to submit an article which he agreed with Wendy to the BOC Staff Magazine.

David was amazed when he checked the Vintage Lorry Funerals website the day after Michael Webb’s funeral to find an enquiry from the Daughter of a Wolverhampton man who had just passed away. She explained that Roy Quinton would be the Funeral Director whose Funeral Arranger in Bushbury had seen the 1950 Leyland Beaver in action, on its way to Bushbury Crematorium the previous day.

David had noted on his way back from Michael Webb’s funeral that the return leg of the journey was 5 hours and if an opportunity for an afternoon funeral arose then he would attempt to do the funeral within a day run from Bradford-on-Avon. However, he never dreamed that this would be his next funeral.

Doing Wolverhampton and back within 10 hours driving wouldn’t be easy and required a lot of detailed planning. David operates his lorry like a current day Lorry Driver who is allowed to extend his daily driving limit to 10 hours twice a week. The legislation also allows a working shift to be extended to 15 hours twice per week.

Getting up at 0400 hours and leaving at 0445 hours meant that the Leyland Beaver was into Gloucester by 0630 hours, missing the rush-hour. In Tewkesbury the traffic was still light and the volume of cars on the road multiplied as the 65 year old lorry moved onto the Dual Carriageway sections of the A46. David took a 45 minute break at Alcester Services and let the bulk of the rush-hour traffic go. By the time he got onto the A441 into Redditch most people had got to work and the only extra traffic was due to the tail end of the school run.

By adopting this strategy the vintage lorry rolled into the space behind Roy Quinton’s Funeral Home at 1015 hours, having made the journey from Bradford-on-Avon within 4 hours and 45 minutes driving. As the Funeral Home, House, Church and Crematorium were all very close by, David was happy that he had created a 15 minute buffer that may be required on the return journey in which he couldn’t expect traffic to be so light.

In the Bushbury area of Wolverhampton the local road network interfaces with the railway and a number of low bridges exist. David had undertaken research and determined that he would have no problem with the height restriction under the arches, however, the width of the approach roads was a concern.

Scott Quinton introduced himself and asked if he was aware of the low bridges and the problem with one near the church being closed, which was forcing higher volumes of cars through the other bridges. Scott suggested that David should go with one of his men and checkout the best way around the problem as the tight timescale between the Church and the Crematorium meant that any hold ups would be disastrous. David thanked Scott for his help saying, ‘Often when a Family pay me direct, the Funeral Director has no interest in providing strategic information.’ Scott replied, ‘Dave, the only thing that matters is that the funeral goes well and that the Family are happy.’

As this was a Catholic funeral the coffin was already in the church when David arrived, as instructed halfway through the service. The coffin was loaded in front of the whole congregation and those close to the lorry were amazed at the smooth operation of the coffin as it was slowly rotated on the deck. David secured the ‘Gates of Heaven’ Floral Tribute in a way that depicted the Deceased had just passed through the Gates of Heaven and this image meant a lot to the Family. David started to apply tension to the ratchet straps when he was showered with Holy Water from the Priest. The Family asked for photographs to be taken at the church and David operated discreetly and patiently. The weather was deteriorating during the day, however, it never rained whilst Frank Gibney was on deck of the vintage lorry, but as soon as the lorry was beneath the porte cochere at Bushbury the heavens opened. 

Kim Deacon, Frank’s Daughter had asked for David to take a picture of Scott and his men in front of the lorry and David did as he was asked despite the horrendous rain.

David took shelter in his cab, eating his sandwich as the service took place. Kim braved the storm to thank David and Kate’s Mum shook his hand saying, ‘I love the way the things you do.’ The way she said it, it was very similar to The Temptations 1965 hit record, ‘Ilove the way you do the things you do.’

Funerals in South Wales

After 4 years of undertaking funerals with his vintage lorry, David Hall did a strategic review and determined that a large proportion of his business had arisen from brick built terraced houses rather than country cottages made from Cotswold Stone. David had previously worked in the Newport area and had noticed the number of Haulage Companies and the preponderance of terraced streets. Consequently David sent Marketing Packs to Funeral Directors in Newport and surrounding areas which in time resulted in 40% of Vintage Lorry Funerals business during August & September 2014.

David’s Daughter lives in Cardiff and it is a journey that he has undertaken many times in his car and the 63 miles can take between 80 and 90 minutes using the Second River Crossing. For most Welsh Funerals the key strategy is to get past Newport before 0700 hours and David gets up at 0400 hours, leaving his Bradford-on-Avon base at 0445 hours. His route involves going north on the A46 and using the A432 to cut through Chipping Sodbury and Yate towards the Old Severn Bridge. The 1950 Leyland Beaver normally arrives at the Toll Booth at 0600 hours and the Bridge Attendant is pleased to speak with David. The Old Severn Bridge is not often used by normal traffic and the Bridge Attendants in the Toll Booths often see very little traffic through the night. The Ladies in the Toll Booth are interested in the role David performs with his lorry and want to start a conversation and David told one lady, ‘I would love to chat with you a little more but I’m off to do a funeral in Cardiff and I must get past the Coldra before 0645 hours.’

Coming off the M48, immediately after the Old Severn Bridge, David takes the A466 north to Chepstow before joining the A48, the iconic road from the 1950’s that was replaced by the M4. Along the level sections of the A48 the Leyland 600 engine sounds like a sewing machine which is very similar to John McNally’s guitar in The Searchers 1963 hit ‘Sweets for my Sweet, Sugar for my Honey,’ The Leyland Beaver normally gets to the Coldra roundabout on the east side of Newport by 0630 hours and David often looks up to the bridge above the roundabout to see the traffic on the M4 heading westwards getting denser by the minute. David then takes the A48, which runs on the south side of Newport, which is a Dual Carriageway with minimal traffic lights and roundabouts. At 0645 hours only lorries use this road and the traffic is light with car drivers always gravitating towards the M4, which soaks up traffic like a sponge.

It is around 0655 hours when David stops at the Esso Service Station at Carlton for his paper and at 0700 hours the vintage lorry is on the A48 going under the A470 intersection or trundling down Newport Road in Cardiff.

So a car travelling at 70 miles per hour on the M4 achieves the journey in 90 minutes and one would expect the Leyland Beaver with a top speed of 32 miles per hour, travelling on A Roads, with traffic lights and roundabouts, should take over twice as long as a car. But it doesn’t. The lorry regularly does the journey to Cardiff within 135 minutes and there is no logical explanation why. Congestion on the M4 during peak periods has encouraged The Government to look at a new express road on the south side of Newport, however, David reckons they have already got one, it’s called the A48!

Three memorable funerals in South Wales are contained in this article.

David always tries to stay off the M4 with his lorry, however, sometimes the geography in South Wales with steep hills and deep valleys means that the use of the M4 is unavoidable, like the journey from Risca to Cwmbran Crematorium. Whilst waiting outside the Church in Risca for the service to be completed, David Hall was worried about travelling on the M4 at 30 miles per hour with cars thundering past at 70 miles per hour and beyond! David looked up and couldn’t believe his eyes as a Police Car pulled alongside his lorry. The Policeman told David that the Police Car would lead the cortege from the church, through the village and on the roundabout before the M4 the Police Car would go around it twice and position itself behind the lorry. As the Leyland Beaver trundled down the slip road the Police Car positioned itself at 30 miles per hour outside the lorry in lane one, forcing all the cars on the M4 into the outside lane. The Police Car then travelled alongside the Leyland Beaver until the next junction when the lorry took the slip road, the Policeman saluted David and sped off. David is not aware that a Police presence was officially requested and apparently it was a case of a concerned Policeman acting on his own initiative.

One feature of Cardiff houses is the narrow back alleys that are used to access the rear of properties. When a funeral was arranged from a Funeral Home with a narrow rear access, the Funeral Director organised parking within St. Mark’s Parish Church on the busy A470 North Road. Three days before the funeral David was concerned about the width of the back alley behind the Funeral Directors, although at that stage it was never envisaged being used. Andy Lawrence, who designed and created a garden for David’s Daughter has remained a close friend. At 1920 hours David phoned Andy’s mobile and asked him to check out the width of the back alley behind the Funeral Directors the next time he was in the area. At 1950 hours Andy phoned David to say that the width of the alley was 9 feet. David asked, ‘Is it 8 ft 9 inches, 9 ft 3 inches or 3 paces?’ Andy replied it was 3 paces, however, he warned David about telegraph poles which reduced the width. He also thanked David for getting him out of the house whilst ‘soaps’ were monopolising the TV screens. On the day of the funeral David joined the A470 at 0720 hours just as traffic was starting to build. Turning left into the tight Church gateway necessitated David moving into lane two with his left indicator flashing. Nine car drivers comprehended what David was attempting and patiently waited in line behind the Leyland Beaver. As David approached the narrow gate, just as the vintage lorry was about to commence turning, David sensed that a car was about to come past him on his nearside and he braked. At that moment a young lady shot past him, ear plugs in place, listening to music, totally oblivious to all around her. After loading the flowers in St. Marks car park the Funeral Director saw that if David could reverse down the back alley to receive the coffin, he could find another job for his hearse. So Andy Lawrence’s research was of paramount importance and David inched his way down the alley keeping his eye out for the telegraph poles, which fed telephone lines to a number of locations.

For the funeral of a man who loved horses David created a facility so that a ‘Horseshoe’ Floral Tribute appeared to float. Whilst waiting on the roadway outside Thornhill Crematorium a passerby knocked on the passenger door window. The gentleman said he was at school in 1952 when he saw a Leyland Octopus going up the hill. On seeing the wing embellishments glistening in the bright sunlight he was smitten and during the 1950’s he always looked out for Leylands with the wings. He thought it was unbelievable that 60 years on he could see a Leyland Beaver on the same road, glistening in the sunlight and he told David that they would meet again one day.                      

Assertive Driving in South London

For reasons that will become evident, the names of the Funeral Director, their staff, and the location of the Crematorium have not been disclosed.

 Vintage Lorry Funerals was booked for a South London funeral by a lovely Family who sadly believed that they hadn’t done enough for their Dad towards the end of his life and consequently they wanted to ensure that he had a great send off. David Hall’s wife was involved in detailed planning for the funeral at an early stage as there was no parking allowed outside the Funeral Home, which was surrounded by double red lines. Luckily internet research identified an area marked ‘loading only’ on part of the road in an adjoining street and after some involved discussions the local Council reserved the facility and reluctantly waived their normal charge.

The Deceased had been an avid Arsenal Fan, with the ‘Arsenal Shield’ being the centrepiece of the display in which every Floral Tribute was red & white. So in the heartland of Crystal Palace Fans, David was loading Arsenal themed flowers, however, no derogatory remarks were made by passersby. David took pictures and sent them to Arsenal F.C. who featured the funeral in a Match Day Programme and it is understood that Arsene Wenger was very happy about the respect shown for his club south of the river.

David had longer than usual to take pictures because the three limousines that were booked to follow the 1950 Leyland Beaver were running late. It was Friday afternoon, the funeral was booked for the last slot at the Crematorium, however, the limousine drivers were on their 4^th job of the day and were delayed. In these situations David doesn’t get stressed out and remembers one of his old Dad’s sayings, ‘Don’t worry about things that you can do nowt about.’

Eventually the limousine drivers arrived, the coffin was loaded and although 45 minutes had originally been allocated to travel from the Funeral Home to the house, only 15 minutes were left. The task looked impossible to everyone involved and the mood amongst everybody was very low.

The female Funeral Director, who had worked with David before, paged the cortege onto the busy main road, turning right across two lanes of oncoming traffic and into the right hand lane as a right turn was required at the traffic lights one hundred yards down the road. As David approached the lights he noticed that there was no specific right turn filter light and given the high volume of oncoming traffic he would have to wait until the light went from green to red and then move across the two lanes, this type of operation has been sanctioned by Police in South London.

However, as David waited at the traffic lights showing a red light he knew that waiting for a gap would loose further time that he didn’t have in the first place. He looked across the yellow lined box junction towards a Bus in the first lane and a car in the outside lane alongside the Bus, and he put the Leyland Beaver in a high gear. When the light turned green, David let out the clutch and the 1950 Leyland Beaver shot out into the oncoming traffic. The Bus Driver realised what David was doing and stopped, however, the car alongside the Bus didn’t stop and a collision seemed imminent. The Funeral Director, sitting in the passenger seat, was petrified, but luckily the car stopped and David continued across the boxed junction, seeing in his wing mirrors that the three limousines had followed the Leyland Beaver.

Near the Crystal Palace ground there was a steep inclined road with cars parked on the left hand side of the road. With a stream of cars coming down the hill towards the Leyland Beaver, the sensible thing to have done would have been to wait at the bottom of the hill until a gap appeared in the traffic. However, David sensed that the road was just wide enough for three vehicles and he put his foot down and the Leyland Beaver shot up the hill doing 28 miles per hour. Experienced drivers coming down the hill got over and David passed by with only inches to spare. Inexperienced drivers panicked and some mounted the pavement to get out of the way.

David pulled up at the house 30 seconds earlier than planned with the Family oblivious to the problems and the journey that was originally planned for 45 minutes was actually achieved in 14.5 minutes. David got out of the cab as if nothing had happened to see if any extra flowers were at the house. The Lead Driver from the first limousine didn’t go to the Family as normal but rushed towards David and gave him a huge hug, ‘I ain’t never seen assertive driving like that.’

Leaving the house the Funeral Director was using her Sat Nav and said to David, ‘Tom, Tom says turn left.’ David said, ‘Dave, Dave says straight across,’ cognisant that his detailed research had highlighted that taking the second left rather than the first left was advantageous due to wider streets.

On the way to the Crematorium the Lead Driver in the first limousine flashed his lights repeatedly signifying that David should stop. Unfortunately the 3D Lorry and Trailer Floral Tribute which was ever so lifelike was becoming more real than expected in that the ‘Cab’ was beginning to tilt as if the ‘Lorry’ was being serviced. The Lead Driver asked David, ‘How are we going to fix this?’ David said, ‘No problem’, taking out a length of green wire and two small polystyrene sheets from his tool box. The ‘Cab’ was straightened and secured in no time and the Lead Driver said, ‘You have done that better than Macgyver!’

As the cortege entered the Crematorium David sensed that something was about to happen as before the limousines had come to a stop the doors were being flung open and mourners were racing to confront a group of people all holding yellow flowers. There were fists flying, the language was atrocious and that was only the women! The people with the yellow flowers started to throw individual stems towards the coffin on the deck. One of the mourners instructed David to climb up onto the deck and stop the yellow flowers landing amongst the red ones. The yellow stems rained down like French arrows at the Battle of Hastings and David was struggling manfully to catch each one in flight. Onlookers oblivious to the dangerous and inflammable situation may have thought it was like a scene from ‘It’s a Knockout’ which was on TV screens during the 70’s & 80’s.

David was astounded when the diminutive female Funeral Director got between two burly men and begged them to stop fighting. She then requested the people with the yellow flowers should not enter the chapel and respect the wishes of the mourners. Then for the first time in 10 minutes order was restored and silence prevailed. David gathered up the yellow flowers into a nice bunch and thought that he would take them home for his wife. However, David’s good intentions were undone in 10 seconds when one of the mourners stamped on the flowers. David learnt that the Family lived at some distance from the Deceased and it was alleged that some of the people with the yellow flowers had developed an unacceptable relationship with the Deceased and it was also alleged that some of the Deceased’s funds may have been misappropriated.

The Lead Driver from the first limousine came up to David and shook his hands saying, ‘Thank you for all your efforts today, we were in a huge hole but the actions you took saved the day and saved our bacon!’                        

A West Wales Funeral

One Saturday afternoon in January David Hall received a phone call from Maldwyn Lewis, a Funeral Director in Rhydlewis in West Wales near the coast south-west of New Quay. Maldwyn had four Brothers with him and he requested a price for a Saturday afternoon funeral. As normal David did his due diligence before working out the price, taking into account the mileage, fuel and accommodation costs.

Whilst Maldwyn was waiting with the four Brothers for David to return his call, he counselled them that running a vintage lorry wasn’t cheap, he knew because he was also a part owner in a local Coach Company. Maldwyn gave the Brothers what he thought would be the likely cost, however, everyone was pleasantly surprised when David’s price was almost 30% less than Maldwyn had suggested from his experience in the funeral industry.

The week before the funeral Maldwyn told David that a TV Company would like to film the funeral and interview him for a forthcoming BBC Wales TV programme. David spoke to Geraint Rhys Jones of GRJ Media and he was assured that the filming would be discreet and would be part of a dignified programme.

Given the funeral was in January with snow and heavy frosts predicted, David contacted Steve Hunt, an HGV Driver, whose family had used the 1950 Leyland Beaver on two occasions, to provide information which can determined which route David will take. Steve told David that although the A40 through Brecon is gritted the incidence of snow on the high ground should dictate the use of the A48. ‘Keep to the coast Dave,’ was Steve’s final word.

The Leyland Beaver glided down David’s street on a bitterly cold January day at 0445 hours. David took the Old Severn Bridge and went to Chepstow, picking up the A48 which he would then be on for most of the journey. Traffic was light around the south of Newport at 0630 hours and David planned to stop just before Cardiff for his paper. However, coming down the hill towards Castleton, water running across the road had frozen and as David eased off the throttle the back end of the Leyland Beaver twitched. David and his lorry are well known at this Shell Service Station and when David expressed his concerns about the garage refurbishment which was preventing access to the pumps the owner reassured David. ‘When are you coming back?’ the owner asked and David replied he would be back from West Wales by around 2000 hours the following day. The owner said, ‘I’ll have at least one pump open for you, diesel at 109 pence per litre.’ (4 pence cheaper than other Service Stations in Wales.)

Previously David had telephoned Pyle Garden Centre to enquire whether he could use their café and toilet facilities at around 1100 hours, however, the Leyland Beaver made better time than expected and David was outside at 0845 hours keen to use the toilet and café, in that order, when the site opened for business. The A48 road comes to an abrupt end in Briton Ferry with vehicles being forced onto the M4, where vehicles were moving at speed overhead, or to take the A483 into Swansea and then out again on this road before rejoining the A48 at Penllergaer. David went through Pontarddulais and for the next 10 miles the A48 runs alongside the M4 before the two roads merge into the A48 after Pont Abraham Services.

David took the bypass around Carmarthen before doubling back to the hospital and taking the A484 to Llandysul. The Leyland Beaver arrived at the Lewis Rhydlewis Coach Garage at 1245 hours and was quickly put undercover, into a place which Maldwyn Lewis had cleared, just before the rain started. As Maldwyn was out on a funeral, David has his lunch with Meirion, Maldwyn’s Step Brother and his Mechanics. Everyone around the table, from the youngest to the oldest, had an apple in their sandwich box, however, David explained that his choice of Jazz apples was not down to taste but their cylindrical shape which ensured that they fitted well in his bait box, to use David’s North Eastern vernacular. David was surprised to learn that certain Councils in West Wales demand that the Coach carrying the student should be younger that those riding in it and this leads to buses retiring early in their lives. In this part of Wales, Welsh is the native tongue for most people and David felt that he was in a foreign country

Maldwyn took David to meet Huw Davies, one of the Brothers, who said ‘We heard that you were on your way past Carmarthen, we got a text from someone visiting the hospital’. Huw was concerned when he found out that David was intending to drive home after the funeral and he offered to pay for the extra cost in the hotel for David to stay a second night. However, David was confident that he could get home within the 15 hours shift, which is the maximum working day for a current HGV Driver.

David spent the morning with Maldwyn and his wife Carys Ann at their home which is above their funeral offices. Carys explained that she was the Church Minister for 7 churches in the locality, handling 4 services at specific intervals one Sunday and three the next. She also explained that she would be conducting the service for the Deceased who David would be carrying on his lorry and that the service would in Welsh and English and she would not make the English a direct literal translation because that would bore those who spoke both languages. David told Carys Ann that the difficulties she had to endure made his 15 hour day seem like a stroll in the park. The presence of multi-linguists took David back to the 1980’s when he worked at Zellik near Brussels on the dividing line between the Flemish and French speaking regions. The managers at the depot came from the more affluent Flemish region and despite being bilingual they spoke in Flemish to the Cleaner who could only speak French. When David entered the depot he said, ‘Bonjour, ca va bien?’ to the Cleaner who was so stunned that a manager had spoken French she didn’t reply. What the Cleaner didn’t know was that David couldn’t speak Flemish and what David didn’t know was that he had made a political gesture. In 1999 when David was undertaking some consultancy work on the use of pallets he telephoned the depot in Zellik for information and before he could explained what he wanted the Receptionist said, ‘You are Mr. Hall, we will never forget you, you were the only manager to speak French to the Cleaner!’ Whilst language was used as a weapon in Belgium it was used in friendship in this part of Wales.

The Leyland Beaver was followed by 4 Morris Minor Cars, from the local Vintage Club, which carried the mourners, and then two tractors, as the Deceased was passionate about restoring his own Morris Minors and Tractors.

   

David shook hands with Maldwyn and two of the Brothers at 1500 hours and then set off for home. Coming from a side road onto a main road, David was treated to an aerial display from a pair of Red Kites which were only a matter of feet away.

David always seeks to improve his route and coming along the A48 dual carriageway towards the M4 he thought back to his school days and the Maths Teacher who said that the hypotenuse is always less than the sum of the sides on a right angled triangle. So given that it was 1700 hours on a Saturday traffic was light , David, cognisant that the Leyland Beaver was colour blind, he opted to save mileage and tricked the old girl to take the M4 knowing that she would be oblivious to the blue signs.

The Leyland Beaver got off the M4 at junction 42, Briton Ferry, took the A48 and David stopped at Kentucky Fried Chicken on the Bridgend Bypass for his supper. David parked the lorry in the Wickes car park, checked it was alright to do so, and whilst he was waiting in the queue he phoned Mission Control 10 minutes after he had stopped. Unfortunately there had just been a fatal accident on the A48 at Cowbridge, some 10 minutes down the road from Bridgend in the Leyland Beaver. David looked at his watch and realised that he had been lucky and this perhaps was the only situation in this world where a Kentucky Fried Chicken Meal had saved someone’s life. David’s wife had found a cunning detour via Barry, but unfortunately this involved a single track road with no passing places with hedges brushing against the cab. David was not best pleased.

Shell Castleton was open as the owner had promised, 29 gallons of diesel were added to the 55 gallon tank and Tesco Clubcard points were added, which pleased Mission Control.

At 2245 hours David pulled the stop on the Leyland 600 engine and with the Beaver safely in the garage, Mission Control texted Maldwyn, ‘Home Safe’.                    

A Number of Firsts for Vintage Lorry Funerals in Frome

When David Hall in 2002 first started Vintage Lorry Funerals he contacted a number of Funeral Directors close to his Bradford-on-Avon base to ask if they would be interested in taking a Marketing Pack, which includes a framed picture of the 1950 Leyland Beaver. The gentleman who answered the telephone at a Funeral Director in Bath declined to take a Marketing Pack and told David, ‘There will never be a need for your type of vehicle in our part of the city!’ Whereas this would have put off a younger person, David was in his 50’s and has a high level of resilience and conversations like this made him more determined to succeed.

One of the Funeral Directors in Bath that has been most supportive is Carol Spalding who acquired Clarkson’s in 2004. She has transformed the business, building up an excellent reputation and has opened further Funeral Homes in Frome and Saltford.

David Hall was contacted by Dr. Alex Starkie in 2014 and was given his first funeral for Clarkson’s in Frome. It was also the first time that David Hall has ever worked for a former Forensic Scientist and Alex’s attention to detail and quality of planning were transferable skills from her previous employment. The funeral was for a former Coach Driver and as this was the first Bus Driver that David Hall had carried on his lorry, David agreed with a member of the Family that he would create the rear of a School Bus in front of the coffin.

As this was the first time that Vintage Lorry Funerals was asked to go to Mendip Crematorium in Shepton Mallet, David asked that the height under the Porte Cochere be measured. Given that the clearance to the top of the cab was less than 2 inches David decided to visit the site to check whether the slope of the ground would dictate a specific angle of approach. The staff members John and Bethany, at this Dignity facility, were very friendly and were very interested that the Vintage Lorry would be visiting their site. 

David also looked at a number of options for strategic parking around Clarkson’s Frome location. This would allow the lorry to be parked in a  0730-0800 hours window, whilst the Funeral Director was opening up the facility and moving out two vehicles, clearing space to accommodate the 26 feet long Leyland Beaver. Within 100 yards of Clarkson’s there is a property that was previously a Fuel Station but was now manned by Car Washers, who were from Eastern Europe and spoke little English. David gave one of the men a Vintage Lorry Funerals business card, which features a picture of the lorry in action, pointed to Clarkson’s and wrote the date and time that he would require temporary parking on the back of the card.

Two days before the funeral David became aware that his own Father was critically ill and arranged that once he had returned from Shepton Mallet he would immediately drive in his car to Coldsprings Care Home in Penrith.

David left for Frome at 0645 hours and for the first time ever he took no packed lunch with him. The Vintage Lorry arrived at the Washing Facility at 0715 hours and David found that the security chain had been removed, making access possible. As David was reversing into the yard one of the Eastern Europeans, who was starting work, put up his thumb to signify that everything was alright and David reciprocated the gesture. The thumbs up or down gesture is apparently recognised outside Britain, however, it probably originates from Sunday Night at The London Palladium , when Norman Vaughan was the Compare, taking over from Bruce Forsyth in January 1962. Norman used the thumbs up and down gestures with his catch phrase, ‘Swinging or Dodgy’.

Reversing into Clarkson’s facility wasn’t easy given the slope of the road and angle of the wall and David was disappointed that he didn’t get in on his first approach. Alex Starkie was very interested in how the coffin would be loaded onto the vehicle and turned on the deck, and decided to use a Mortuary Trolley, given that only 3 staff were present. This was the first time that when using such facility that the coffin was loaded and turned in the same motion. Alex explained that no limousines had been booked with the Family meeting at Mendip Crematorium. So for the first time the 1950 Leyland Beaver went on its own, from the Funeral Directors to the Crematorium. With no one in the cab with him, David cruised down the A361 and no one tried to come past him, with drivers displaying a high level of respect.

The Mendip Crematorium is situated in open country with the access being on a narrow road out of Shepton Mallet. Just before the entrance, heavy rain the previous day had caused water to stream off the fields and caused a flood on the road and this was the first time that the Leyland Beaver had to go through a stretch of water before a Crematorium.

As David spun the Leyland Beaver under the porte cochere some of the mourners looked aghast worrying that the cab may catch the main support timber of the structure. David smiled and used the thumbs up signal to relate that he would have no problems.

After the funeral David took a picture of Alex Starkie ,on the right, and Bethany Welch, Memorial Consultant at the Mendip Crematorium being on the left. David felt that the picture he took was very interesting as it contained Dr. Alex Starkie, a former Forensic Scientist like those featured in Silent Witness, next to a lady with more than a passing resemblance to Dr Nikki Alexander, of Silent Witness.

From the cab of the Leyland Beaver David sees a lot of interesting wildlife on his travels including badgers, foxes, deer and all types of birds particularly Red Kites in certain parts of the country. Coming north on the A37 out of Shepton Mallet David saw an 8 foot deer fawn for the first time, not in a field but on a concrete plinth outside the Babycham Factory.

When David arrived home he jumped out of the lorry and into his car reaching Coldsprings Care Home at 2200 hours. David’s sister made him a cup of tea to quench his thirst (first) after a long day. David and his wife spent some quality time with his Father before he passed away on a Saturday morning at 0300 hours.

In the Historic Vehicle world there is competitive tension between people who own a bus and those that own a lorry and this manifests itself at gatherings with lorries parked at one end of the tarmac and the buses at the other end. So David was very pleased that he had taken his first Bus Driver on his final journey and he approached Coach & Bus Week to see if an obituary article could be submitted. Gareth Evans, Editor, was very interested and printed 500 words with one picture and he told David that he was keen to push the boundaries in everything he did. He also confirmed that this was the first time a lorry had appeared in Coach & Bus Week.         

Situations encountered on the Road

There is always a massive change in people’s perception when David Hall leaves the crematorium after a funeral. Whilst he is leading the cortege the Family of the Deceased think that his lorry is wonderful, however, when he is out on the open road most people believe that a vintage lorry trundling along at 30 mph is a nuisance at best or an obstruction holding people back which is amplified at both end of the working day. 30 mph was fast in 1950 when the speed limit on lorries over 3 ton was 20 mph, however, it is painfully slow for the modern motorist.

David does detailed planning before a funeral to identify roads which cars can overtake the Leyland Beaver with ease. Lengths of Dual Carriageway on a country road are a Godsend to reduce the frustration of drivers trapped behind the lorry, however, David is often left to encourage people to overtake him on standard roads and his success rate varies with the time of day. In the early morning, Businessmen and White Van Men come past the lorry at the first invitation. David uses his right hand out of the window to wave people past or he makes 3 flashes with his left indicator. A lot of the old A-Roads were 3 lane carriageways in the 1950’s and despite the large volume of white paint creating hatched areas or cycle lanes, the road surface is wide enough for vehicles to travel 3 abreast. David hogs the nearside kerb often using cycle lanes which have seldom any occupants on country roads and encourages people to come past. The Police are happy for David to do this, giving him a thumbs up once as they glided past on the A31 because David was using his initiative to reduce frustration. So before 0800 hours drivers are fearless on 3 lane roads and come past at speed despite an oncoming stream of traffic, but after 0800 hours timid drivers are most reluctant to come past and a queue quickly builds up behind the vintage lorry.

When a queue builds up behind the Leyland Beaver invariably the first car is always driven by ‘Little Miss Timid’ who won’t come past no matter how many invitations David makes. Some misunderstand the meaning behind his 3 flashes from his left indicator and assume that the lorry is about to turn left and brake suddenly causing a potential collision with the cars behind. Normally car number 4 or 5 in the queue has ‘Mister Aggressive’ behind the wheel who will attempt to come past oblivious to the amount of double white lines, blind corners or blind summits.

Three incidents on the road stick in David’s memory of interesting situations he has encountered:-

On his way to a Basingstoke funeral David was on the A303 Dual Carriageway travelling at 28 mph up a gentle slope. David saw in his wing mirror that a Snows Timber lorry had got out into the second lane early and was approaching him at approximately at 50 mph. No problems here, David thought as he got his right hand ready to apply his headlights to signify to the Snows Timber Driver that he was clear and that he could move back into lane one. However, as the Snows Timber Lorry got within 50 yards of the Leyland Beaver, David noticed that a white sports car was undertaking the Snows Timber Lorry and approaching at around 80 mph. A highly dangerous situation existed because David sensed that the white sports car driver would try to come between the Snows Timber Lorry and the Leyland Beaver and that there was a risk that the sports car would crash into either lorry. David steered his lorry into the kerb and kept going as fast as he could. The Snows Timber Driver must also have sensed the danger and he moved his lorry over with one wheel on the central reservation tarmac close to the barrier. The white sports car was in the Snows Timber Lorry Drivers blind spot, the area along the nearside of a lorry which the driver can’t see from his wing mirrors. So at 0645 hours on May 24^th 2013 on the A303 Dual carriageway three vehicles were travelling abreast with only inches between them for a short period of time. David was shattered and feeling guilty that his slow speed was almost the cause of an accident which may have had at least one fatality. Why had the Sports Car Driver been so reckless? Did he feel trapped behind the Snows Timber Lorry getting out early into the second lane? The story doesn’t end there, however, because three miles on in a lay bye the White Sports Car Driver was squaring up to the Snows Timber Lorry Driver. The White Sports car Driver wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer because the Lorry Driver was built like a brick outhouse and there would only be one likely winner.

Coming out of London one Winter’s afternoon after the last slot at Croydon Crematorium it was dark by the time the Vintage Lorry to Guildford and onto the A3. Following the rush hour the traffic died away on the A31 as the Leyland Beaver trundled towards Winchester. The traffic was very light on the A303 and virtually none existent on the A342 over Salisbury Plain. The absence of street lights meant that the stars were visible and in the total darkness all David could see was the beam of light from his Head Lights and the red glow from his Tail Lights. In checking his wing mirror David noticed that a car in the distance was approaching slowly at a speed not much faster than the Leyland Beaver. It reminded David of the scene in ‘Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid’ when they are being tracked through the night by a group of men on horse back holding torches. Robert Redford said to PaulNewman, ‘Who are these guys?’ and David had the same thought. The car came close to the lorry and David invited the driver to come past by the use of his left indicator, however, this didn’t produce a result. So David slid down his window, letting in the cold air, and waving with his hand, but the car still didn’t come past. The car was travelling too close to the lorry and David was concerned that if he had to stop suddenly for a Badger or a Deer the car would run into his lorry. No matter how much David tried to get the car driver to overtake the car would come past which was incongruous because no one else was on the road. The situation persisted for over 15 miles. Just before Stert there is a lay bye so David pulled in, fully expecting the car driver to come past him and continue its journey, but it didn’t. It pulled behind the Leyland Beaver and David was very mad. He jumped out of the cab and walked towards the car anticipating that that the driver would be some young person who had never driven at night before and would benefit from a 5 minute ‘tutorial’ at 2130 hours. However, when he got close to the car he was shocked as the driver was an elderly lady who could hardly see over the steering wheel. Before David could say anything, the old lady said, ‘I know that you want me to come past, but this A342 is a lonely old road and I feel more comfortable travelling behind you!’ David ascertained that the lady was bound for Devizes and invited her to follow him, provided she would keep 20 yards between the vehicles. David set off for Devizes with his ‘trailer’ in tow and signalled to the lady when she needed to turn off for her destination.

                

On his way to a Maidstone funeral, when David approached the village of Brasted, on the A25, he noticed that someone had used a cardboard sign to transpose the ‘R’ and the ‘A’, giving the impression that the village was illegitimate. As the Leyland Beaver entered the centre of the village David saw 5 boys looking menacing, sitting astride their Chopper Bikes, and he wondered if these boys were the perpetrators behind the sign change. Suddenly the biggest boy, who was apparently their leader, thrust his arm forward and the group of 5 Chopper Bikes advanced, swinging around alongside the Leyland Beaver. Before David could realise what was happening, the Leader was in front of his lorry with two riders either side, flanking the deck of the lorry at the mid point and at the rear. The actions of the boys mimicked a motor cavalcade with Police Motorcycle Outriders which is normally reserved for dignitaries such as Barak Obama However, it was highly dangerous having cyclists so close, especially the ones of the nearside who were confined between the lorry and the pavement with only inches to spare. David was relieved when he stopped at the traffic lights as at their Leader’s command the Chopper Bikes came past the lorry and raced off in a 1-2-2 formation down a side road.