The first funeral was in Guildford
on Monday January 4th the first working day back for many people
after an extended Christmas Break. Being Self Employed, the best Christmas
present anyone can be given is a job as soon after the New Year as possible. However,
trying to get information from Florists, Funeral Directors and Crematoriums is
not easy at this time when a thing called Christmas provides a huge
distraction. Rather than fight through the major traffic congestion that was
envisaged for the Monday morning, David elected to travel to Guildford
on the Sunday but finding undercover storage for the 1950 Leyland Beaver
wouldn’t be easy with most locations still closed after the Christmas Holidays.
Luckily the Daughter of the Deceased lived on a farm and she kindly arranged
for space to be cleared in their workshop and this location proved to be the
most atmospheric setting the 1950 Leyland Beaver has parked in.
The Deceased had been a Mechanic who had worked on vehicles
like David’s at the start of his career, however, after retirement the last
third of his life was dedicated to his garden. So rather than having a Floral
Tribute made from flowers his Daughter arranged for a an exquisite display of
vegetables to be created which would be placed in front of Gardening Tools,
a Fork, a Spade and a Wheel-Barrow.
Bed & Breakfast accommodation wasn’t easy to find in
this rural area, however, a local farmer took in guests at his Manor House in a
way to diversify away from his traditional income on a Dairy Farm which had
sold its Jersey Herd a long time ago. It was certainly a grand setting,
however, there was no chip shop at the end of the street so David changed his
normal mode of operation, keeping his sandwiches for his tea and having a hot
meal at lunch time in the Bull Inn at Bentley on the A31.
Part of the instructions from the Family was that David
should not wear black but a grey shirt and pullover was requested by the Daughter
of the Deceased. However, when David was collecting the vehicle in the morning
the Deceased’s Son-in-Law, a colourful character, took a dim view of David’s
dress code and presented him with a red jumper. David explained that had he
known that a more colourful outfit was required he would have provided one.
David went on explain that on two previous occasions he has been asked to
impersonate the late Fred Dibnah and the Son-in-Law then asked David to become
Fred Dibnah for the next hour explaining, ‘You even look like the old
(Expletive) in those thick 1950 style spectacles.’ David is pictured below in
his Fred Dibnah guise, however, David believes he is only poor representation
of the great man who was a renowned Steeple Jack in the 1960’s .
At Guildford Crematorium as David was releasing the ratchet
straps off the coffin, the Son-in-Law shouted in a loud voice, ‘Ladies &
Gentlemen I give you Mr. Fred Dibhah.’ David didn’t disappoint telling the
Bearer on the opposite side of the deck, ‘Nay then, tek this strap in thy hand
and tek it t’ back of lorry.’ Climbing onto the deck David said, ‘Reet then,
I’ll turn t’old lad and get im riddy t’ come off side roller.’ The mourners
started to clap to show their appreciation of David’s efforts.
The second funeral was in Swanley on January 26th
and this was for a former Lorry Driver who also been a Royal Marine in WWII.
The Floral Tributes were a ‘DAD’ and a ‘Pillow’ and David suggested to the Son
of the Deceased that he would position ‘DAD’ on the Headboard and the ‘Pillow’
would sit on a step in front of the coffin. In order to exceed the expectations
of the Family, David customised the ‘step’ to appear like the back end of a
Lorry.
The location that David used for many years to park the
Leyland Beaver under cover the night before an Orpington funeral is now longer
suitable so it was time for a new start. In recent times David has approached Tyre
Fitting Companies because normally they don’t store vehicles inside their
location overnight, unlike Commercial Garages with ATS and Kwik Fit being used
in a number of occasions. David approaches the Manager, explains that he needs
to put his lorry undercover the night before a funeral and a reward of a box of
biscuits usually gets the Manager to agree. However, the Manager at Kwik Fit Orpington
was initially reluctant to make a decision and said he would be more
comfortable if David approached the Head Office and got them to sanction that
the Leyland Beaver could be parked undercover within his facility. David was
concerned as the involvement of someone from Head Office may put a stop to him
approaching Managers directly and in the limited time before a funeral the last
thing David needed was to spend an hour on the phone trying to find the
appropriate person.
David made three attempts to find someone who could help him
and fortuitously he spoke to a young lady who listened intently and promised to
look at the Vintage Lorry Funerals web site before speaking to her boss. David
told her that many years ago he had written to Tom Farmer, then Kwik Fit owner,
about a possibility to undertake a Distribution Quotation and he got a polite
reply personally signed by the great man. David thought that he had done all
that he could but reckoned that there was only a slim chance that a big company
would be prepared to help him. Later that afternoon whilst David was working on
the deck, his wife called him back into the house because an email had arrived
from Kwik Fit which stated he could park at any Kwik Fit site in Britain
provided the lorry was covered under its own insurance and that the Manager was
happy that it would fit. The Orpington Manager was now relaxed and he offered
David use of his fridge to put his sandwiches in there overnight and some hot
water to wash the lorry if required.
David had difficulty speaking with the Florist who was a
friend of a distant Family member and it wasn’t until the day before he was
scheduled to leave did he manage to speak with her and it was just as well he
did. In addition to the ‘DAD’ and the ‘Pillow’ there was a 21 inch ‘Heart’ from
the Sister of the Deceased so David quickly assembled a suitable stand which
would position this important Floral Tribute near the head of the coffin. The
key part of the support structure was a triangular shaped piece of wood which
had already made a number of appearances already to support a ‘Butterfly’ in
Snodland, a ‘Cat’ in Newbury and in Hungerford, a ‘Car’ in Horfield Bristol and
used to depict a ‘Plane Wing’ in Gosport.
In timing the journey, the plan is always to arrive just
before the garage closed at 1800 hours and although David knew the lorry could
fit under the roller shutter door he was unsure how well the lorry would fit
between the car ramps. As David drove into the yard three Kwik Fit lads came to
meet him and they evaluated between themselves, similar to an American Football
Huddle, which would be the best bay to accommodate the vintage lorry. One
invited David to look at the space and he knew it would a close thing so he
inched the lorry slowly back with two Kwik Fit lads either side of the deck
watching that the vintage lorry got safely between the car ramp pillar. After parking David was surprise how close the
car ramps were away form the lorry and it was certainly a tight fit at Kwik
Fit. However, one Kwik Fit lad complimented David saying, ‘You have obviously
done this manoeuvre many times before!’
Cost effective B&B accommodation was available within
walking distance, however, the place had no eating facilities which may have
caused a problem. However, within 100 yards of the B&B was a Retail Park,
so it was Nandos Chicken Burger for supper and Costa Coffee Bacon Sandwich for
breakfast. One of the Kwik Fit lads offered to come in early to get the Leyland
Beaver on the road by 0745 hours, however, it still took an hour to travel the
short distance to Swanley.
When the Son of the Deceased saw the flowers in place he
thanked David for all his efforts and he asked if he could travel in the cab
with David. This was a win, win, situation because it meant so much to the Son
of the Deceased and he told David all about his Dad and this made the creation
of an Obituary Article so much easier.
On his way back from Eltham Crematorium David elected not to
use the South Circular, which is renowned for heavy traffic and long queues but
he took the A224 and the A232 on which the traffic seems to flow. Within four
hours driving The Leyland Beaver glided from Eltham, through Croydon, along the
A31 and into Sutton Scotney Services on the A34 where David took his 45 minutes
statutory rest break. David then let the rush hour traffic to subside and he
got home at 2000 hours at the end of a 13 hours day.
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